Key Points
- FSU licensed marriage and family therapist Nari Jeter is an expert on relational processes across individual and family development. Jeter suggests several strategies for reducing holiday stress, including establishing clear boundaries, managing expectations and recognizing when to step away.
- According to Jeter, holiday gatherings can cause families to fall back into familiar roles and communication patterns. Family meals, in particular, can bring these dynamics to the surface as parents and adult children return to previously established interactions.
As the holidays approach, a Florida State University therapist says setting boundaries and managing expectations can help ease the tensions that often arise during family gatherings. Whether tensions stem from personal disagreements or political friction, family dynamics can be difficult to manage during a season centered on togetherness.
FSU licensed marriage and family therapist Nari Jeter is an expert on relational processes across individual and family development. Jeter suggests several strategies for reducing holiday stress, including establishing clear boundaries, managing expectations and recognizing when to step away.
According to Jeter, holiday gatherings can cause families to fall back into familiar roles and communication patterns. Family meals, in particular, can bring these dynamics to the surface as parents and adult children return to previously established interactions.
“Even when people are adults, they often fall back into those familiar family roles,” Jeter said. “In family psychology, this is sometimes described as a form of regression, where people return to behaviors and expectations they had earlier in life.”
Jeter also noted that generational differences exist in how family members communicate personal boundaries and define respect. While older generations may associate respect with obedience, younger generations tend to place greater value on feeling understood.
These differing expectations can create tension, especially when conversations turn to sensitive topics such as politics or personal relationships.
“Maintaining peace within a family doesn’t require everyone to agree,” Jeter said. “Often, it means accepting that people have different beliefs while still treating each other respectfully.”
“Maintaining peace within a family doesn’t require everyone to agree. Often, it means accepting that people have different beliefs while still treating each other respectfully.”
– Nari Jeter, licensed marriage and family therapist
Jeter encourages families to focus less on winning disagreements and more on recognizing when a conversation is no longer productive. Acknowledging a relative’s concern while also communicating personal limits can help prevent a minor disagreement from escalating into a larger conflict.
“Sometimes protecting your peace means ending a conversation, taking a break or choosing not to engage,” Jeter said. “Walking away from a conversation that isn’t productive isn’t a weakness. It’s often a healthy form of self-management.”
Beyond difficult conversations, constant social interaction and competing expectations during holiday gatherings can leave even close family members emotionally drained. Jeter recommends taking time to recharge so people can return to family activities feeling more positive.
“Needing a break should not create guilt,” Jeter said. “Family members should feel comfortable saying they need some downtime without being criticized or pressured to continue socializing.”
Jeter is available to discuss the psychology behind holiday family tensions and strategies for navigating disagreements, setting boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships. She can be reached via email at nari.jeter@fsu.edu.