The holidays can be full of joy, warmth and tradition for many, but they can also bring stress, time commitments and complicated family dynamics.
To help families navigate the season with greater ease, Florida State University’s Jamila Holcomb and Nari Jeter offer insights on managing stress and family dynamics during the holiday season.
Holcomb and Jeter are both licensed marriage and family therapists and teaching faculty in the Department of Human Development and Family Science at the Anne Spencer Daves College of Education, Health, and Human Sciences (Anne’s College). Holcomb offers guidance on managing holiday stress, setting boundaries and strengthening family connections, while Jeter provides insights on navigating holiday gatherings with romantic partners.
Media interested in covering each family dynamic further may reach out to Professors Holcomb (jholcomb@fsu.edu) and Jeter (nari.jeter@fsu.edu) via email.
Jamila Holcomb, associate teaching professor
Why do holidays, which are supposed to be joyful, so often become stressful for families?
The pressure to create holiday joy or magic often results in families spending a lot of money, stressing about organizing or attending holiday events, and feeling external pressure to come together as a family, even if the family isn’t very close or has had conflict. If individuals are already stressed in trying to perform for the holiday season, this often spills over into the family system.
How can people balance time between multiple families (e.g., in-laws, divorced parents, blended families) without guilt?
I think honoring that feeling is important. We often feel guilty because we want to spend time with everyone, or because we feel like we have to. If it’s the former, then perhaps stating your intentions to all family members and setting a schedule for when to see everyone. That way, everyone is aware of your goal to see as many people as possible. If it’s the latter (because you feel like you have to), then that is a great opportunity to reflect on why you feel that way. Where is the pressure coming from? Are these healthy relationships? What would the consequences be if you didn’t see everyone? The results of these questions would likely indicate the need to establish healthy boundaries for yourself.
To read the rest of Professor Holcomb’s interview, visit the Anne’s College blog page.
Nari Jeter, associate teaching professor
How can someone tell they’re ready to bring a new romantic partner around their family for the holidays? What signs suggest a relationship is at the right stage for that kind of introduction to extended family?
The clearest signs that someone is ready to bring a new romantic partner around their family for the holidays are that both partners agree that they’re willing to, and both partners are clear about the commitment level of the relationship. Neither partner should feel coerced into attending a family gathering. The relationship doesn’t have to be very committed, but sometimes family members will assume that bringing someone home is a sign of commitment. But the couple should be clear about what it means to go home for the holidays and what implications that has for the commitment level in their relationship.
What if one partner feels ready to meet the family, but the other doesn’t? How can they navigate that mismatch?
It may be important to understand why one partner doesn’t feel ready or why the other partner is eager for them to spend time with their family. Sometimes, a mismatch isn’t about the actual event, but the meaning behind it (i.e., commitment levels of the relationship). Also, people have different expectations around family holiday celebrations. One partner may view family holidays as sacred and for the family only, while another partner may see such celebrations as more casual, with an “all are invited” mentality. It is essential to have conversations about what family gatherings mean and the family’s boundaries or rules for inviting significant others.
To read the rest of Professor Jeter’s interview, visit the Anne’s College blog page.